Redemption

# 3368

I started my bracelet’s journey through my work. I work at a print shop and actually printed and punched the holes for the cards that the bracelets can be found on. That is how I was introduced to this material accessory, but the concept behind it is one that had already saved my life. I am a member of people often referred to as the “Recovery” community. The definition of Recovery is:

  • 1.
    a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
    “signs of recovery in the housing market”
    synonyms: recuperation, convalescence More

    “her recovery may be slow”
    improvement, rallying, picking up, upturn, upswing
    “the economy was showing signs of recovery”
    antonyms: relapse, deterioration
  • 2.
    the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

This is not my story, Mine is of Redemption:

  • 1.
    the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.
    “God’s plans for the redemption of his world”
    synonyms: saving, freeing from sin, absolution

    “God’s redemption of his people”
    • a thing that saves someone from error or evil.
      “his marginalization from the Hollywood jungle proved to be his redemption”
  • 2.
    the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt.

The second definition is the one that really suits me. You see, I sold away a part of my soul to drugs and alcohol from a very young age. It started when I was 13 years old. The daily struggle did not cease until I was 27. I was selfish, rebellious, full of anger, envy, greed, fear, and resentment. My first memory is of my little sister dying right before my eyes at the age of 3. I carried a tremendous amount of guilt for not being able to save her, I felt anger towards my mother for blaming me for it, I felt as if I had to live an extraordinary life to make up for hers being lost so soon. Life, laziness, and lies settled in. By the time I was in middle school, I couldn’t cope with my emotions anymore, I couldn’t handle Life. I didn’t want to. That was when I met what I thought was the love of my life, Drugs and Alcohol. They were the only things that gave me relief, a break from my pain, an escape from my horrific reality, and a warmth I never felt at home. Fast forward 14 years, with everyday consumption, I gradually evolved into a Thief, A Liar, I was already a Killer, an Addict, Alcoholic, and a broke man who was utterly hopeless. In and out of jails, mental institutions, rehabs, hospitals, detoxes, just floating in a purgatory on earth, too afraid to kill myself and die, and too afraid to live.

I grew up in a Christian home. I despised God. Surrounded by hypocrites, judgement, hate, and seeing what kind of man I was, I could not understand why any kind of benevolent being would allow me to keep existing and take someone like my sister away. If there was one, I wanted nothing to do with him. God saved my life on October 16th 2017. I speak of God as my own conception of him, not any kind of general religious interpretation, this is merely my experience and I don’t mean to speak ill or judgemental of anyone else’s perception of him. All I know is that on that day, I was dying from drug withdrawals, misery and suffering. I cried out for help to someone/thing I didn’t believe in. I asked him to take it away and I would do whatever he wanted for me. I fell asleep within 5 minutes, and woke up with no symptoms and was filled with a supernatural peace that I had never experienced in my life before.

There was no scientific, biological, or any kind of evidence or reasoning for my sudden relief from my sickness. I was well aware, you do drugs, drink a lot for an extended period of time, you go through withdrawals. I had been through them before. I logically tried my hardest to think of some explanation for what had occurred. But once I realized I hadn’t eaten, taken no medication, had done nothing different from any other time I got high, other than cry for help. I was left with the most intolerable conclusion. Something supernatural had answered my cries.

“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”
     So what now? It wasn’t like this thing actually spoke to me. I had made a deal with something I didn’t know, understand, and the only way I could communicate with it was one-way. The most logical thing I could come up with is that I should seek to get to know it better. But how? Well again by the process of elimination, I knew that the way I had been living was not conducive to any kind of relationship with it. So I figured it essentially wanted me to do the opposite of EVERYTHING I had done in life. I found A.A. The program and the people in it helped me take an honest look at my life, how I had been living, and gave me a formula for getting closer to my supernatural being I had encountered. As I stated earlier, I was selfish, rebellious, full of anger, envy, greed, fear, and resentment. So I knew, moving forward, I had to somehow be selfless, honest, full of love, empathy, peace, courage, kindness, and forgiveness. But again HOW? It has been my experience that human beings are by nature evil creatures. There is no Good in this world without God: Literally, and figuratively. The only way I figured this could happen was by asking. I knew I was incapable of doing these things on my own. So I found this prayer.
God make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
Please grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love,
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is by forgiving that we are forgiven,
And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life.
By no means am I a Saint. I honestly don’t even strive to be. I just know that If we choose to be a part of this world, then we bring something to the table. I spent most of my life bringing all the things I hated about it, fueling fear with more fear, anger with more anger, loneliness with isolation. All I ever really wanted out of life was to be at peace and be happy. Once I stopped chasing peace and happiness for myself, and looked to help other human beings, and live according to the prayer I mentioned, I began to find more Peace and Happiness than I could ever have imagined. I still struggle daily with all the emotions and feelings I have felt my entire life. They don’t own me anymore though, I gave ownership of my soul to a being I choose to call God. But I have to get back my soul to give it to God, because I broke it and sold it away a long time ago for the next high. The only way I can receive is to give. My Compass bracelet reminds me that I am not in control, that I belong to a being that enables Love, Peace, and Kindness in a Cruel, Hateful, Evil world. It reminds me that I am not alone, that there are others with the same or similar struggles. It reminds me that I can only keep the Peace, Love, and Happiness I’ve found today, by giving it away. It’s a reminder to BE the change I want to see in the world, instead of expecting others to do it for me. It’s a reminder that God is real, and if he Loves me, Then He loves you, and it is my responsibility to represent his voice and Show and Tell You, that You are Loved. It is one of the most miraculous feats to me, How my pain, misery, and suffering, has turned into one of my greatest assets. An ability to relate to those in pain, and to be a living beacon of hope, light, and love in the midst of a seemingly endless pit of darkness. People may define me by my actions and past, but I hope they remember me for my reactions to my darkest moments.
One Love, One Heart, One Destiny.
May all of you find Peace, Happiness, and Love,
May you receive everything that I want out of life,
May you find God, or whatever you call Love, even in your darkest night.

 

 

 

 

Redemption

154+Hinton+Ave Wilmington, North+Carolina

I started my bracelet’s journey through my work. I work at a print shop and actually printed and punched the holes for the cards that the bracelets can be found on. That is how I was introduced to this material accessory, but the concept behind it is one that had already saved my life. I…

Nov 23, 2018

Redemption

Robert Mouser
Wilmington, North Carolina

I started my bracelet's journey through my work. I work at a print shop and actually printed and punched the holes for the cards that the bracelets can be found on. That is how I was introduced to this material accessory, but the concept behind it is one that had already saved my life. I am a member of people often referred to as the "Recovery" community. The definition of Recovery is:

  • 1.
    a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
    "signs of recovery in the housing market"
    synonyms: recuperation, convalescence More
    "her recovery may be slow"
    improvement, rallying, picking up, upturn, upswing
    "the economy was showing signs of recovery"
    antonyms: relapse, deterioration
  • 2.
    the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.
This is not my story, Mine is of Redemption:
  • 1.
    the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.
    "God's plans for the redemption of his world"
    synonyms: saving, freeing from sin, absolution
    "God's redemption of his people"
    • a thing that saves someone from error or evil.
      "his marginalization from the Hollywood jungle proved to be his redemption"
  • 2.
    the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt.
The second definition is the one that really suits me. You see, I sold away a part of my soul to drugs and alcohol from a very young age. It started when I was 13 years old. The daily struggle did not cease until I was 27. I was selfish, rebellious, full of anger, envy, greed, fear, and resentment. My first memory is of my little sister dying right before my eyes at the age of 3. I carried a tremendous amount of guilt for not being able to save her, I felt anger towards my mother for blaming me for it, I felt as if I had to live an extraordinary life to make up for hers being lost so soon. Life, laziness, and lies settled in. By the time I was in middle school, I couldn't cope with my emotions anymore, I couldn't handle Life. I didn't want to. That was when I met what I thought was the love of my life, Drugs and Alcohol. They were the only things that gave me relief, a break from my pain, an escape from my horrific reality, and a warmth I never felt at home. Fast forward 14 years, with everyday consumption, I gradually evolved into a Thief, A Liar, I was already a Killer, an Addict, Alcoholic, and a broke man who was utterly hopeless. In and out of jails, mental institutions, rehabs, hospitals, detoxes, just floating in a purgatory on earth, too afraid to kill myself and die, and too afraid to live. I grew up in a Christian home. I despised God. Surrounded by hypocrites, judgement, hate, and seeing what kind of man I was, I could not understand why any kind of benevolent being would allow me to keep existing and take someone like my sister away. If there was one, I wanted nothing to do with him. God saved my life on October 16th 2017. I speak of God as my own conception of him, not any kind of general religious interpretation, this is merely my experience and I don't mean to speak ill or judgemental of anyone else's perception of him. All I know is that on that day, I was dying from drug withdrawals, misery and suffering. I cried out for help to someone/thing I didn't believe in. I asked him to take it away and I would do whatever he wanted for me. I fell asleep within 5 minutes, and woke up with no symptoms and was filled with a supernatural peace that I had never experienced in my life before. There was no scientific, biological, or any kind of evidence or reasoning for my sudden relief from my sickness. I was well aware, you do drugs, drink a lot for an extended period of time, you go through withdrawals. I had been through them before. I logically tried my hardest to think of some explanation for what had occurred. But once I realized I hadn't eaten, taken no medication, had done nothing different from any other time I got high, other than cry for help. I was left with the most intolerable conclusion. Something supernatural had answered my cries.
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
     So what now? It wasn't like this thing actually spoke to me. I had made a deal with something I didn't know, understand, and the only way I could communicate with it was one-way. The most logical thing I could come up with is that I should seek to get to know it better. But how? Well again by the process of elimination, I knew that the way I had been living was not conducive to any kind of relationship with it. So I figured it essentially wanted me to do the opposite of EVERYTHING I had done in life. I found A.A. The program and the people in it helped me take an honest look at my life, how I had been living, and gave me a formula for getting closer to my supernatural being I had encountered. As I stated earlier, I was selfish, rebellious, full of anger, envy, greed, fear, and resentment. So I knew, moving forward, I had to somehow be selfless, honest, full of love, empathy, peace, courage, kindness, and forgiveness. But again HOW? It has been my experience that human beings are by nature evil creatures. There is no Good in this world without God: Literally, and figuratively. The only way I figured this could happen was by asking. I knew I was incapable of doing these things on my own. So I found this prayer.
God make me an instrument of your peace Where there is hatred let me sow love Where there is injury, pardon Where there is doubt, faith Where there is despair, hope Where there is darkness, light And where there is sadness, joy
Please grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, To be loved as to love, For it is in giving that we receive, it is by forgiving that we are forgiven, And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
By no means am I a Saint. I honestly don't even strive to be. I just know that If we choose to be a part of this world, then we bring something to the table. I spent most of my life bringing all the things I hated about it, fueling fear with more fear, anger with more anger, loneliness with isolation. All I ever really wanted out of life was to be at peace and be happy. Once I stopped chasing peace and happiness for myself, and looked to help other human beings, and live according to the prayer I mentioned, I began to find more Peace and Happiness than I could ever have imagined. I still struggle daily with all the emotions and feelings I have felt my entire life. They don't own me anymore though, I gave ownership of my soul to a being I choose to call God. But I have to get back my soul to give it to God, because I broke it and sold it away a long time ago for the next high. The only way I can receive is to give. My Compass bracelet reminds me that I am not in control, that I belong to a being that enables Love, Peace, and Kindness in a Cruel, Hateful, Evil world. It reminds me that I am not alone, that there are others with the same or similar struggles. It reminds me that I can only keep the Peace, Love, and Happiness I've found today, by giving it away. It's a reminder to BE the change I want to see in the world, instead of expecting others to do it for me. It's a reminder that God is real, and if he Loves me, Then He loves you, and it is my responsibility to represent his voice and Show and Tell You, that You are Loved. It is one of the most miraculous feats to me, How my pain, misery, and suffering, has turned into one of my greatest assets. An ability to relate to those in pain, and to be a living beacon of hope, light, and love in the midst of a seemingly endless pit of darkness. People may define me by my actions and past, but I hope they remember me for my reactions to my darkest moments.
One Love, One Heart, One Destiny.
May all of you find Peace, Happiness, and Love,
May you receive everything that I want out of life,
May you find God, or whatever you call Love, even in your darkest night.
       

1 Comment

  1. Kelly Gronowski on July 26, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    I just put a number in to see what this was all about!! I love the whole concept of it!! I read the your story, and I love it!! I also a member of the recovery community for almost 9yrs! If it wasn’t for God I wouldn’t be here for sure!! I do try to anything and everything to help anyone in my path if I can!! Say hello to someone who looks down, compliment, pick something up, just anything in my power to make someone’s day better!!! You story inspired me even more to be a better person than I was the day before!! I hope I come in contact with your bracelet, that would definitely be God’s work! ❤🙏❤🙏❤🙏❤ I do believe God had something to do with me putting your number on too!! Thank you again for your story!! God Bless your journey!!
    Kelly Gronowski
    1830 Rt 35 Trlr #2
    Wall, NJ 07719

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